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Holiday Rules For Everyone
. “Home is where the heart is.” “Don’t spend more than you can afford.” Advice that has been handed down for generations and stood the test of time are the result of a combination of common sense,...
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Aaay! It’s Fonzie Day
. Growing up on that particular Oregon street was innocent, quiet and, if I’d known what a Beaver Cleaver even was, maybe even Cleaver-esque. Hillsboro was the sort of Nilla wafer-flavored suburb that...
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A Corporate Bull and an Evangelical Walk Into a Coffeeshop
When this happened, I hurried to get it down while it was still fresh in my mind. There is a maximum 24-hour lifespan for any information stored in my brain. Once that time is up, it’s lost forever and...
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Phillip’s Coming To Dinner (A Cautionary Tale)
In the years since our time working together in retail hell, Phillip* and I had kept in sporadic contact. Just when I’d start to wonder how he was doing, the phone would ring or an email would arrive....
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The Girl With The Bowl Cut Hair
The place: Mrs. Dell’s 6th grade classroom, Idlewild Elementary, Tacoma, WA. *** As Valentine’s Day crept up on us like a pink disease, Mrs. Dell read aloud stories of love. Every one of the girls in...
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Tips On Adulthood
As someone who inhabits the same sphere of influence as pop teen sensations, I believe that I have a responsibility to today’s youth. By the very nature of my being a hero to so many, kids all over the...
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Uncorking A Bottle of Whoopass
Pre-game brawls in parking lots. Waves of projectiles hurled at someone wearing a rival jersey. Violence erupting in the grandstands. These acts have become acceptable (and, at times, expected) at any...
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Waste Of Ancient Wisdom
The place: Tacoma, WA Aron Hakone’s dad was someone worth bragging about. He was a black belt in karate, was in really good shape, was really nice and, oh! was a black belt in karate. One day at...
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First Annual Dumb People Celebration Day
The following was transcribed from KMVM’s original broadcast *** DON BLANCMAN (Parade Co-Master): This is Don Blancman coming to you live atop the viewing post on Viking Blvd. in the heart of our...
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New Social Pariah Schedule From AMC Theatres
As a way to reach out to an untapped market, movie theatres nationwide have implemented Mommy Matinees, times specifically geared toward socially isolated mothers with newborns. No longer the target of...
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Fall Down? Hmm… Interesting.
NOTE – While I am offline writing fiction and ignoring my blog, I’ve decided to post a few pieces that 99% of you have never read or heard of. The following was originally published by The Short Humour...
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A Look Into Rebound Relationships
NOTE – While I am offline writing fiction and ignoring my blog, I’ve decided to post a few pieces that 99% of you have never read or heard of. ***** Romance, l’amour, that’s amore, gettin’ freaky....
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Twinkie, Twinkie, Little Star
That’s right, America. The Twinkie is back! (for some reason) Assumed by many to be the unholy result of a secret Nazi project codenamed either Twinkilnauss or Angelfoodensch, the Twinkie has been a...
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To All Who Come To This Happy Place… Aaaarrrggh!
NOTE – While I am offline writing fiction and ignoring my blog, I’ve decided to post a few pieces that 99% of you have never read. Originally published by Forces Of Geek ***** Perhaps I’d been...
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Chowderhead Interviews Lil’ Ol’ Me
Adam over at Chowderhead, in what can only be seen as an attempt to lose readers, has interviewed me for his blog. If you get a moment, head on over and give it a read. WARNING: The interview does...
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My Name Is Mike and I’m a Felon
. If Oregon code 131.125 is taken into account, the statute of limitations on this particular crime has long since passed. This allows me to speak openly and in detail–without concern of incriminating...
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My Nephew Presents…
A video! For your viewing pleasure is a Christmas video by my nephew, Aidan. It celebrates our recent discovery of an amazing/ridiculous Christmas song from 1960 titled “Dominick the Donkey” Show some...
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Holiday Captions For Awful People 2013
As with last year, I have decided that the best way to celebrate the holidays is by putting together a sort of thank you to all my new readers, including the following folks who are, like, completely...
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Thoroughly Modern Messiah
Step aside first century. The New Testament may soon be referred to as The Old New Testament. That’s because one the most widely distributed books in the world is finally getting a makeover. For...
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Actually, It’s Both… My Shoe Size and My IQ
Generally, maturation is defined by a person’s reaching a physical and emotional “growing up”–the result of experiencing and benefitting from life’s innumerable lessons and, ultimately leading to each...
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